This week’s Saturday Night Live cold open didn’t feature Alec Baldwin’s famous impersonation of President Donald Trump, but revolved around Trump’s physical and mental health in the wake of his recent physical exam.
The issue was addressed by Trump’s personal physician Ronny Jackson, played by Beck Bennett, in a press conference skit laced with not-so-subtle sexual innuendo.
The fictional presser began with White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders recognizing the Women’s March, which she said was organized “to celebrate the president’s first kick-ass year in office.”
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She then turned her attentions to the U.S. government shutdown, saying that President Trump maintains that any deal must include a Mexico border wall, and that “it must be a solid physical wall with some parts see-through, some parts fenced and some parts empty spaces that operate on an honour system.”
Sanders then took time to lambast Senate Democratic leader Chuck Schumer for orchestrating what she called the “Schumer Shutdown,” while urging everyone to help promote the hashtag #SchumerShutdown.
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The focus then shifted to what Sanders labeled “the most important news of the week” — the results from Trump’s physical exam, with Sanders calling on Jackson to take the podium and provide more details.
Jackson proceeded to gush about every aspect of Trump’s health, from his height to the size of his feet, before concluding that, “It’s my expert medical opinion that the president has a rockin’ bod, with the perfect cushion for the pushin’.”
Reporters were then given the opportunity to ask questions, with the first journalist, played by Kate McKinnon, pointing out that a lot of people think the medical results may have been fabricated “because they’ve taken even one look at the president.”
Jackson responded that Trump is “in peak physical condition,” before assuring that “he’s been pounding pineapple juice to keep everything sweet.”
Asked about the president’s mental fitness, Jackson once again offered a glowing bill of health, saying that the president was made to take a cognitive test which he passed “with flying colours.”
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Jackson then clarified that it’s not mandatory for presidents to undertake the exam, but that Trump grabbed him by the collar and insisted on taking the test.
“And let me tell you, his grip is unnaturally strong,” he said.
A reporter then asked Jackson about Trump’s alleged sexual encounter with porn star Stephanie Clifford, who goes by the name Stormy Daniels in films, with Sanders interrupting proceedings to warn the reporter against asking questions about the matter.
But Jackson chose to address it anyway.
“I can’t confirm whether the president and Ms. Daniels have had sexual relations or not, but I can tell you that if they did, she’s a lucky woman,” he said. He added that Trump was actually made to undergo a sex test as part of his physical exam, and that he “blew the doors” off the test.
“As a medical staff, we try to stay impartial, but when he was done, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.”
Saturday Night Live airs on Global TV.
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